


trying our best (to pass off as human)

by littlesoul



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Being Human (US/Canada), Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Denial of Feelings, F/F, F/M, Ghosts, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Twin Murphys, Vampires, Werewolves, being human AU, bmc characters are pretty minor, lots of projecting oh boy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-06-21 23:05:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15568338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesoul/pseuds/littlesoul
Summary: the unnecessary being human au no one asked for.orevan and jared are wolves. zoe and connor are vamps.alana sees dead people.(you're in for a long ride. im not sure how long this will be but it'll have a lot of chapters.)





	1. June 28th, 2018

**Author's Note:**

> you don't need to have seen the show to understand!! or maybe you do? read about vampires, ghosts and werewolves on the us/canada wiki. it'll help, trust me.

Connor needed Zoe to wake up. Any second now, she would get up and yell at him and things would go back to normal. He did exactly what had been done to him and tried to bring her back, because anything would be better than the state she was in now.

Connor sucked in a breath and prayed to whatever higher being he didn’t believe in that she wouldn’t just stay dead, because that would mean that he’d be in a shit ton of trouble.

 In a moment, her eyes flickered open and her once dead body was reanimated. Zoe took in quick breaths and reached up to touch her neck.

“Fuck, Zoe I’m so sorry I never meant for this to happen I just-”

 Her eyes were blown wide and her skin was pale but other than that, she was fine. Sort of alive, so it worked for him. Zoe’s hand brushed the drying blood on the carpet and she immediately moved away from Connor.

“What the fuck did you do to me?”

 Zoe sat as far as she could be from him. “Look, it’s not that bad, I didn’t mean to do it. But you’re fine now, so..” Zoe's eyes glassed over and her knitted brows expressed her distress and Connor didn’t know how to deal with it.

“No, Connor! Fucking explain!” She yelled, her voice high pitched and cracking at the end.

 Guilt weighed in Connor’s stomach like a bag of rocks and he didn’t want to explain. How do you explain to someone that you killed them just moments ago and now they’ve just woken up to being an actual monster?

“Can you just stop freaking out for a second, I can, I can explain everything if you would just let me.”

She laughed nervously and tugged on her hair. “Yeah, like that’s so easy. I feel so calm just seeing all the blood on my carpet and on my clothes. Everything is a-okay!”  

 Connor backed away from her. The last thing she needed was for him to get closer. He shifted his weight from foot to foot nervously because this was probably the scariest thing he’s had to tell anyone, ever. “

Okay. I accidentally killed you and brought you back so now everything’s okay please don’t freak out.”

 But he said this all in one breath so it sounded all rushed and jumbled. She seemed to hear the gist of it however, because her eyebrows raised and she edged closer to the door. The rocks in his stomach felt much more heavier when he saw her reaction.

 “You _killed_ me?”

Like she was testing it. She sounded so uncertain and scared and Connor felt like throwing himself out of a window. It’s not like it would kill him, but maybe if he just laid there on the ground long enough he would feel like he died.

Suddenly Connor felt very fortunate their parents were out that night. He let out the breath he was holding in and just came out with it.

 “Yeah, and now you’re kind of a vampire. Because I brought you back.” Zoe looked like she might also puke.

“I-what? Holy fuck, this can’t be real. This can’t be happening.” Connor watched her knees buckle under her and she collapsed onto the floor. He took tentative steps towards her and tried to reach out and touch her shoulder, some kind of comfort. She instantly slapped away his hand. “Don’t touch me.”

 Normally, Connor would be pissed at that response. He might’ve thought, _what the fuck? I’m trying to help you out here, bitch._ But he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything other than remorse.

Then he remembered what he felt when he was first turned, not too long ago. And by not too long ago, he was only turned a few hours ago. “Um. Are you hungry?” Connor kneeled next to his twin, but not too close. Zoe turned her head towards him, annoyance in her eyes.

 "What?”

 “Usually you’ll get really, really hungry after being turned into uh, this. I just wanted to help, kind of.” He hated how nervous he was about this whole situation.

“Oh god. Does this mean I have to eat people?” She looked ready to cry at any moment. “Kind of." Her face was in her hands again. “God damnit!” Her hands muffled her frustrated cursing. It seemed that every time Connor spoke he just made things much, much more worse for her.

 “Are you okay?”

Zoe wiped her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself as if she were trying to hug herself. “This is a lot. You just turned me into some kind of _monster_ and fuck, you were right, for some reason I’m fucking starving _._ How okay am I supposed to be right now?”

Connor couldn’t urge words of comfort to come out of his mouth, couldn't even think of ways to make everything okay. “I’ll just clean up the mess. You should change.”

 Zoe watched him bleach and scrub the carpet until it wasn’t too noticeable. He didn’t notice her get up and leave until he turned around. “Zo?” He called out, not really expecting her reply but still hoping.

Connor rushed downstairs to see her sitting on the couch in clean clothes. “I threw them away, if you were wondering.” Her voice was still a bit weird, like she was faking being all chill but really just expected him to attack her or something.

 “Okay. Do you uh, wanna get something to eat?” Connor tried his best to sound calm and collected and like he’s done this exact thing a million times.

“Should I? Do you just, expect me to trust you immediately? Because that’s not happening.” Her distrust was expected, but Connor was getting irritated as fuck.

“You shouldn’t, but I don’t think you should wait until Mom and Larry come back to see just how fucking hungry you really are.” Instead of a reply he was only met with silence and Zoe turning away from him in defeat.

 “Fine.”

“Great.”

 

~-~-~~~~-*★

 

“Did you hear that?”

“Jared, stop messing around, we have like, 10 minutes left.”

“No, seriously. Do you hear that?” Jared sounded serious and Evan hated it. He hated it because Jared is never serious, so why should he be serious right now?

 “Stop it.” Evan could hear the nervousness in those two words alone and hoped that Jared really was only joking.

“Dude, seriously? I’m gonna go check it out.” Jared shoved his shirt into the duffel bag and left to check it out. This suddenly felt like those stupid horror movies where the teenagers get murdered in the woods by some crazy axe murderer.

Only they’re not normal teenagers and the axe murder has more of a chance of getting killed, honestly.

“Holy shit. Evan, check this out.” Jared whisper yelled.

Evan did not find this joke very funny, thank you very much. His heart hammered in his chest and his palms were very sweaty. For once, he wasn’t sure if it was because of the moon getting dangerously close to completely rising or if he was just normal anxious. If you could call his anxious normal.

Evan quietly walked over to where Jared stood and looked at what he was pointing at. What he saw was the least expected thing, ever.

The Murphy’s standing over a human body. Evan could easily hear their conversation. Probably because of the heightened sense thing.

“I hate how not-bad that tastes. This is terrible. Why should we be able to do this? Fuck, this is so wrong, Connor.”  
  
“It should be fine if it’s like, assholes and shitty people.” Connor countered.

“Assholes and shitty people who have families! Isn’t there a better way?” The other paused, probably thinking.

“Blood banks and animals. But we don’t have a way to get to blood banks and hunting in this part of Boston is kind of impossible.”

There was a defeated sigh and Evan stopped listening. “Okay, so the Murphys are vampires, awesome, wow! We don’t have time for this.”

Evan insisted and turned away. He looked up for second and saw the moon fully.

 “Oh shit, oh shit.” Even if he thought he was prepared, the changing always took him by surprise. Even after almost 9 years of it. Pain erupted through Evan’s body and he collapsed on the roots of a tree. The wolf's claws pushed their way through his hands and he couldn’t help but cry out in agony.

Evan’s eyes blurred with tears and he could partially see Jared collapsing too. Footsteps lead to where they were and Evan wanted to yell at them to go away, leave please please just leave. But the pain was too much and he couldn’t get up.

The last thing he saw was someone with long hair try to touch his shoulder and say some jumbled words, something like _oh god, what’s happening are you okay._

  _No no no please go away,_ the little voice inside was muffled out by something else. The wolf was out and the real Evan was tucked away somewhere inside his head.

 

~-~-~~~~-*★

 

In a matter of seconds, the two boys collapsed on the ground were replaced with giant ass, monstrous, _wolves._ “Connor.” Zoe looked like she just froze up.

“What are they?” He couldn’t reply because the moment he opened his mouth the one in front of him lunged forward, jaw snapping and claws ripping into his chest.

“Connor!” She cried out and he shoved it off with his elbow, nearly getting pulled by its jaws and against a tree. “Fuck, come on, run!” He yelled desperately.

Connor could only grab his sister’s hand and hope she knew what that meant. They sprinted off to their shared car. If they were still alive their hearts might’ve been racing.

Heavy thudding followed them along with deep growling. They definitely would not die, but Connor didn't really want to know what it felt like to be ripped piece by piece.

But also he wasn't sure to what extent their immortality went, and he didn't really have any need to test anything. They made it in time and slammed the doors in a panic before he frantically pushed the keys into the ignition and slammed on the gas pedal to speed out of the forest.

“Holy shit, holy fucking shit. We just got attacked by werewolves.”

The pain in Connor’s chest went away after a minute or so. “Yeah. What an eventful day.” Connor replied, feeling exhausted.

 


	2. September 3rd, 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw, evan has a panic attack

The very first day of their junior year.

 

Evan did not need to say he was nervous to see that he was very much nervous.

Panic from the thought of the vampires- who he knew to be much stronger than him at almost any given time- made his stomach turn and he felt nauseous as he walked in through the doors with Jared.

Because even if Jared denied it, he was also scared and dealing with the Murphys who were also vampires now wasn’t something either of them wanted to do alone.

What were they even supposed to say to them?

_Oh yeah, sorry we just attacked you because every month we turn into these terrifying monster things and you just so happened to be near by so they wanted to kill you. Whoops, sorry won’t happen again._

When he didn’t see either of them waiting for them in the halls, Evan felt relieved. But he didn’t let the relief sink in too much because there was still a chance they might appear and jump him for revenge and they might kill him and Heidi would definitely be upset.

Or maybe she wouldn't be upset and would just be better off-

“Evan? You in there?” Jared waved a hand in his face and stopped in front of his locker.

That weird air of confidence and cool-guyness Jared was trying to achieve was very fake and maybe for once he should stop lying to himself.

“Dude you look like you’re gonna pass out.” Jared’s voice made Evan come out of his head and he felt a little more awake. His inner monologue paused and he spoke without thinking first.

“What? I’m not gonna pass out, are you sure _you’re_ not gonna pass out?” Jared looked at him weird. “Whatever you say. We have first hour together, right? If I get murdered, you’re getting murdered, too.”

The bell rung and Jared was already turning to leave. Evan hurried to follow because he didn’t wanna get caught on his own, either.

The thought made him feel sick and sweaty but it was better than dying alone and having no one know he died.

“Kleinman!” A voice from the end of the hall made Evan jump.

“Ignore him.” Jared warned, his voice kind of shaky. “I know you fucking heard me.”

The person Evan was certain was Connor pulled Jared back by his bag. “What the fuck?” Jared yelled in mock confidence. He made a poor attempt to get out of the much stronger boy's grip, getting himself not much farther than earlier.

Connor shoved Jared into a locker. “Connor, stop!” Down the hall, Zoe was running toward the spot. “Fuck off, Murphy!” Jared spat out before picking himself up off the floor.

Evan’s hands were clammy and he wanted to run, run far away from here. His knees were very wobbly and it felt like there was loudloudloud in his head and his throat was closing up and everything needed to stopstopstopplease.

And he couldn’t breathe because there was something very heavy sitting on his chest, and oh god Connor is getting so, so close and _pleasestoptouchingmeplease._

Evan couldn’t process the words coming out of everyone’s mouths and Connor’s hands were on his shoulders and it felt like there were too many sensations and he couldn't focus.

Someone was running off and Connor was trying to talk but Evan couldn’t hear the words. Connor looked so frantic and maybe a little worried. Suddenly he was holding Evan’s hands and they were just a little bit cold.

In a few moments, Evan was being whisked away by someone, he didn’t know who, but he was being pushed away by someone with an overly sweet voice and gentle hands.

 

~-~-~~~~-*★

 

Evan woke up in the nurse’s office an hour later. He passed out after his panic attack apparently and Jared got scared and ran to get the nurse and left him with the Murphys who didn’t know how to deal with panic attacks very well.

That was one of the worst panic attacks he’d had in a while and he was just so sapped from it.

“Do you think you can go to class, hun? Or do you wanna go home?” The nurse said in her kind of fake sounding concerned tone. “Um, home. Please.” She nodded before leaving the room briefly. “Your friend here says he can drive you home, just go with him, okay?”

He nodded quick and hummed in response. Evan pushed the door open to walk into the nearly vacant office. Jared was slumped in one of the chairs set out for people waiting. He raised his hand, car keys in hand.

“Hi, hey.” Evan waved. Jared had his bag in his arms and pushed it into Evan’s. “What happened?” Evan asked, his throat ached a little. “You had a panic attack so I went to get the nurse. Don’t worry, I kinda cleared the air with the uh, leeches while you were out.”

The reassurance made Evan feel a little better. Maybe it was just because he knew he wouldn’t get jumped in the halls now. "Thank you." 

“But can you maybe not call them that, because it's probably some sort of derogatory thing to say for um, monsters.” He said in slight defense for them.

Jared narrowed his eyes at Evan, and mumbled. “Yeah, ok. Whatever.” Jared opened the car door for him which was kind of out of character, but Evan wasn’t going to complain about the sort of nice gesture.

They pulled into Evan’s driveway after a drive of complete silence. “Thank you, again.” Jared nodded and left.

Evan walked in and sighed deeply. The money from earlier that morning was still on the counter with a sticky note. He’d just order something later. Right now all Evan wanted to do was sleep.

 

~-~-~~~~-*★   

 

Connor felt something like guilt knowing he was probably the main cause of that kid’s panic attack. But not that guilty because this is still the same kid who attacked him as some kind of monster thing.

Jared had yelled at him for a bit, trying to explain what had happened that night. It made sense now.

Someone like Evan Hansen wouldn’t just try to murder someone. Or would he? The quiet ones were probably the ones you should be the most worried about. Who knows what they could be planning.

The wall he was slumped against stuck to his hair. Or rather his hair stuck to it. Whatever. Connor checked his pockets and pulled out his keys. He could just pick up Zoe later.

With all there was in his head, the last place he wanted to be was at school. So he left and drove for a while. A part of him wanted to not be at the forest for a long time. Somehow Connor ended up at some old park at the end of a street. His phone buzzed in his pocket. Mom.

He ignored the urge inside telling him to just answer and confirm his mom's suspicions he was out getting high. Even if he can't get high anymore because of the stupid vampire thing.

By now he must’ve missed 2 or 3 classes. Maybe someone called her and she wants to know why he’s skipping class again.

She would say something like, _Connor, we thought you were getting better. Please stop disappointing us, it’s only the first day._ But it would be sugar coated and much different. Or maybe she wouldn't say that, at this point Connor didn't really know all that much about his mother. 

More buzzing. When Connor looked down it was Larry calling this time. After being annoyed by the calls a third time, he picked up.

“What?” He snapped into the phone. A heavy sigh on the other end. “Connor, don’t test my patience. Why aren’t you at school?” Larry sounded like he had done this too many times and he couldn’t bring himself to care too much anymore. Maybe he does.

“That’s none of your business.”

“As your parent, it _IS_ my business. What are you even doing? Getting high in a park?”, Larry chided. Yes, because that’s the only thing Connor does, ever.

Connor didn’t respond to that one. He wasn’t getting high, but would they believe him?

Before Larry could even start talking again, Connor hung up and slipped his phone in his bag. He pushed it away with his foot, leaning it against the slide. Connor laid back on the bench and let the sun hit his face and hair, the cool wind blowing on him.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was okay!! I based his panic attack off of the ones I get and they tend to feel really loud in my head so that's why I have the like, clusters of the same word. (loudloudloud, pleasedonttouchmeplease) that's just kind of how it sounds to me,,  
> thank you for reading!


	3. September 4th, 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Try to not be mad at Heidi or anything? She just wants the best for her baby boy.

The door to the library creaked slightly as Connor opened it, but the blonde boy sitting at one of the tables didn’t appear to notice. Connor himself coudn’t explain why he ended up here or why he was now hesitantly hovering his hand over the chair next to the boy he hoped was Evan, otherwise this would be very awkward.

 

He pulled out the chair, making Evan flinch away. In some weird attempt to make it look like he knew he was doing, Connor threw himself into the chair and hit his back on the way down. “Hey.”

 

Evan’s eyes couldn’t get more wide than they already were. “Shit, did I scare you? Sorry.” Connor sat up, waiting for the boy to say anything. “I-ah. It’s okay.” From just how he spoke alone, Connor could tell that no, it’s not okay.

 

Dismissing it with a sigh, he continued with what he planned to do originally. “Look, I just wanted to say sorry about the other day. That was uncalled for.” Again, his attempt of apologizing was shut down. “You don’t have to apologize, everything’s fine.”

 

Frustration with this boy not taking his apology welled up inside Connor. “It’s not though? You passed out and it was mostly directly caused by me? That’s not okay.” That silenced Evan. _Finally._

 

Even when they weren’t that close Connor could smell the wolf on Evan. It was as clear as the freckles that dusted his cheeks. Evan moved back slightly and closed his laptop. “Are _you_ okay though? I didn’t even say sorry about attacking you on the full moon.” Evan stared down at the top of his laptop, eyes filled with worry and guilt.

 

“That wasn’t your fault. Besides, it’s not like I’m still human. There wouldn’t be any lasting damage.” Evan said a soft _oh_ under his breath and started fiddling with the loose ends on his shirt. Evan kept flicking his eyes to his bag under the table.

 

The awkward silence filling the room made Connor tense up. It was very apparent they both wanted to leave pretty badly. “So uh, wolf?” His voice cracked on the word wolf making Connor die a little on the inside. Evan tilted his head. _Like a puppy._

 

“You're a wolf, right? What's that, um, like?”

 

“Its. It kind of sucks and I hate it.” Evan laughed after that and rubbed his neck while looking away. “Oh. Seems like shit. Being a vampire sucks ass. Not being able to get sick ever and living for maybe eternity is awful.” Another light chuckle. For some reason seeing Evan laughing suddenly made Connor feel like laughing, too. Soon they were both caught in laughing fits, unable to stop.

 

While they were barely paying attention, Evan's phone buzzed in his pocket. The trace of having just been laughing started to fade from his expression when he answered. “Jared?”

 

“I'll be there, sorry.” Connor watched Evan get up and stretch. “Sorry, Jared's waiting outside.” He had reverted back to being timid and he spoke fast. “Give me your phone. I'll put in my number.” Connor hoped that Evan wouldn't find this creepy. But the thought was chased away when he saw the blonde’s face light up.

 

“Okay.” Evan pushed his phone into Connor's hands and waited for him to finish. “Just text me later, yeah?” There was happiness swelling up in Connor's chest because he sort of made a friend and the concept was unheard of to him.

 

Evan nodded quickly, a smile painted on his lips. He turned his back, waving at Connor slightly. “I'll see you later?”

 

“Yeah.” Connor couldn't stop his grin from showing and ducked his head to subtly hide it. Evan slipped out of the room, leaving Connor alone to his thoughts. Suddenly he remembered Zoe existed and called her. “Did you leave already?” He spoke into phone as he walked to the student parking lot. “No, I'm just outside. Hurry up.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, okay.”

  
  


~-~-~~~~-*★

  


“You got his number? Holy shit, you didn't tell me you had a crush on _both_ Murphys!” Jared had a bark-like laugh which was. Fitting. “I’m not- I don't like either of them! It wouldn't even work!” Evan's cheeks burned in embarrassment and he wanted Jared to just shut up.

 

“True. You should go for someone who isn't an active murderer.” Jared drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “They're not-”

 

“They're _vampires_. You realize what they eat, right?” Evan hated how he was right. Before he could think of a response to that, Jared pulled into Evan's driveway. Heidi's car was parked in the other spot. “Have fun texting your undead boyfriend!”

 

“Jared!”

 

He slammed the door shut before running off to the front door. When Evan stepped in, he noticed shuffling in the kitchen, Heidi probably putting together a lunch for work. “Oh, hey honey! How was school?” Her tone upbeat and chipper but tired at the same time. Evan thought of the new number in his contacts and felt a little fuzzy and warm. “Good. I uh, made a friend sort of.”

 

The way his mom’s face lit up at knowing her son made a new friend reminded Evan how bad he was at this kind of thing. “That's wonderful! They should come over later, I can move my shift tonight and we can have a taco Tuesday!”

 

Evan didn't wanna let her down by mentioning the tiny fact that, no, Connor doesn't really eat food. Because then he would have to mention that his new sort-of friend is a vampire.

 

Or mention that he wasn't entirely even sure if they were even friends anyway. Maybe Connor just felt obligated to give him his number. Why would he wanna be friends with a _werewolf_ anyways? They were both problematic enough as it is.

 

He didn't want to bring anything up, though. And saying what she wanted to hear just made things a little bit easier. Even if it made him feel kind of guilty.

 

“Sounds good. I can ask him later.” Evan clutched the hem of his shirt. Heidi came over to embrace him and kiss his forehead. “I'm proud of you, Ev. This is gonna be your year, just you wait.” He nodded and hugged her back.

“I'm gonna get a few hours of sleep first though, okay? Just so I can get to work right after dinner. Make sure I'm awake by 7:30.” She mentioned after releasing him from her embrace. Evan nodded quickly before pulling away.

 

Evan hurried into his room down the hall and quietly shut the door.

 

_This is Evan :)_

 

His finger slipped and he sent it before he could change anything. The smiley face looked stupid now that he thought of it.

 

Evan tried not to think too much about the tiny emotion at the end of his text but couldn't. He couldn't help but feel pathetic for worrying about something so small.

 

**_hey_ **

 

_Hi!! I accidentally mentioned you and now my mom wants you to come over for dinner tonight._

_Sorry_

 

**_dinner?_ **

**_i dont eat food u know that right_ **

 

_She doesn't know that though?? You don't have to come, its okay._

 

**_no ur good_ **

**_i can eat_ **

**_i just dont do it_ **

 

Evan exhaled heavily and pulled the blankets over his head.

 

**_does she know about the wolf thing_ **

 

_Yeah_

 

**_cool_ **

**_i dont think i can tell my parents lol_ **

 

_You should? They'll suspect when you never age._

 

**_shit u right_ **

**_this is like coming out_ **

**_but instead of being gay im just a blood sucking murderer_ **

 

Evan choked when he read that, laughing at the thought.

 

_Haha_

 

**_howd u tell ur mom_ **

**_or is she like, a wolf too_ **

 

He briefly wondered if this was even a conversation he should be having with a person he just met. Much less someone he kind of assaulted just months before. Guilt about that still tugged at him. What would the harm be in telling him? It's not like Connor is much better off than Evan, species-wise.

 

_I got turned when I was like, 6. She found out on her own._

 

**_damn_ **

**_uve been like this for a long time_ **

 

_Yeah._

 

**_im gona get something to eat_ **

**_night_ **

 

_It's only 5pm??_

 

**_goodnight_ **

 

_What?_

 

**_dont worry_ **

**_im not like making an excuse to not talk to u_ **

**_im just hungry_ **

**_call u when i get back_ **

 

_Okay!!_

 

**_btw, i can come over after i eat_ **

**_be ready_ **

 

~-~-~~~~-*★

 

Connor wiped the crimson liquid dripping from his chin on his sleeve, his hunger finally settling. “Come on.” In a lazy attempt of disposing of it, the body was tossed into a dumpster with an audible _thud._

 

The initial feeling Connor got when he ate was exhilarating and he didn't want to let it go. Even if he knew how bad it was that he was doing this to people, Connor never felt a need to stop. The look on Zoe's face when he looked back at her grounded him a bit.

 

It was as if she were disgusted with herself. That was generally rational, since she just assisted in killing yet another person.

 

“I'll drive.” Zoe reached out for the keys expectantly and Connor dropped them in her outstretched hand. “Why do you like doing this?” Zoe was bringing up _this_ again. Which should be reasonable, but Connor didn't like having to explain why he likes draining the life out of people.

 

“It's the only option.” Connor answered in this monotone voice, hoping to just shut her down. But she continued pressing on. “We haven't even tried!” Zoe's driving began to get sloppy after she yelled.

 

Then, with an accusatory tone, Zoe turned it back to the question she always asked when they were alone. “Who even turned you? Can't you ask them?” She always managed to annoy him relentlessly.

 

Tired of her _fucking_ question, Connor hissed out his answer. “Goddamnit Zoe, fine! It was my old dealer, Darek. Are you satisfied with that now?”

 

Zoe sighed heavily. “It's not that-I just want to know someone like us. Wouldn't it be easier?” She softened her tone and she managed to stay in one lane. Connor looked back out the window, watching people walk by. It suddenly felt weird to think there might be people like him out there.

 

“I guess.” Connor wanted nothing to do with Darek. The last time they were in a room together Darek had almost drained Connor completely but stopped and decided he wanted to curse him for eternity.

 

“Can you talk to him? Please?” Connor could hear the pleading in the way she spoke. “Okay.” Connor replied again, his voice softening up too.

 

“Thank you.” A beat.

 

Connor forgot to call Evan an hour ago. Panicking, he went to fish his phone out of his pocket. It was nearly eight now, and Evan might freak out so Connor decided to text first.

 

**_hey_ **

**_sorry it took kinda long_ **

 

Evan's reply was almost instant. Which didn't bother Connor, but he was almost certain it would make the blonde panic if he pointed it out.

 

_Hi! Its alright._

 

**_can i call u_ **

**_its easier to just talk_ **

The three dots appeared and disappeared around 3 times. Connor huffed and began to type again.

 

**_we dont have to if u dont wanna_ **

 

_Yeah that would be_

_Better for me._

 

**_oh_ **

 

_If you don't mind me asking?What's it like being like that?_

 

**_bad_ **

**_i have to eat all the time_ **

**_im gonna look like im 16 for the rest of my eternity_ **

 

_Like, is it as hard as other vampires always say?_

 

For some reason, this confused Connor. Evan knew other vampires and Connor didn't? That was probably sad, he thinks.

 

**_other vamps??_ **

 

_i used to get jumped,,and they complained how easy wolves had it. when for them its worse_

 

**_ig u could say tht_ **

**_its bad sometimes but thrs ups to it_ **

**_btw whats ur address_ **

 

_hold on_

_here_

 

_address heere_

 

**_thx_ **

 

Connor tapped it and looked back up at Zoe. “Can you drive me to a friend's house? His address is already in.” She raised an eyebrow. “A friend?”

 

“Well, kind of. Acquaintances maybe?” Connor wasn't too sure what they were at this point. “You sound like Alana.” Zoe joked, but he could still hear the uncertainty in her voice. “Look, it's not like I'm gonna buy pot or anything, I can't even get high anymore.”

 

Zoe gave in, her shoulders still visibly tensed. They pulled into a small driveway that another car already resided. **_im here_ **

 

Connor stepped out of the car and thanked Zoe under his breath. She must have heard him because a look of surprise briefly passed over her features. Before she could say anything, Connor shut the door and walked to the Hansen's front door.

 

He pushed the doorbell twice before hearing a woman’s voice call _coming!_ The door was pulled open and before him stood a fairly young blonde woman who might be Evan's mom. She was dressed in pink, floral scrubs and had her hair tied back in a low ponytail.

 

“You must be Evan's friend, I'm Heidi.” She held out her hand, a smile on her lips. Going by her voice, Heidi sounded tired. “Connor.” He took her hand and tried going for a chill smile. But he probably just looked like he was grimacing.

 

“It's really nice to meet you!” And she moved to let him in. Momentarily forgetting that he had to be told to come in, Connor was physically unable to walk in through the door. Heidi's expression changed from one of excitement to confusion and suspicion. “You can't-are you a-”

 

“Co-Connor! Come in!” Connor slid in through the doorway easily. He could feel Heidi's eyes on the back of his head. Evan was soon at his side, bringing his attention away from the blonde woman.

 

“Let's go upstairs first. I need to talk to you.” Connor followed Evan up the stairs and down the hall. The blonde softly shut the door behind him. “Your mom might think I'm, y'know.” He gestured to all of himself and Evan's eyes widened. “What-what makes you think that?”

 

“I couldn't walk into the house, Hansen! Didn't you see how she looked at me when she didn't invite me in and I was literally held back?”

 

Evan's face fell quickly. “What d-does this mean, what do w-we do ab-about it?” He watched the boy twisting the end of his polo shirt. “I don't really know. I can't alter her memories, I'm not that good at it.”

 

Connor followed Evan to his bed and sat down next to him. A still silence stood between the two and things felt tense. After all, this is the only time they'd ever officially got together to hang out. Or tried to, at least.

 

“Tell me about yourself?” Connor pushed down his boots and discarded them near the nightstand. He pulled his knees up to his chest and waited for Evan's response. “I'm not um, not really very interesting?”

 

“That's bullshit. There's gotta be more to you than just being a wolf.” A tiny voice inside wondered why he was trying so hard to be Evan's friend. It's not as if he's ever tried to reach out to people before, so why now? Or maybe it was the fact that they both knew these horrible secrets about each other. Maybe they just wanted someone else to relate to.

 

“I guess I know a lot about trees? I'm thinking about being a park ranger next summer.” Connor poked his shoulder. “See? That's pretty fucking interesting. I don't know shit about trees.”

 

“What about you? Other than the vampire thing?”

 

“I draw sometimes. I would say I also smoke, but it doesn't do much for me anymore so I guess that's it.” Evan's lips curled up in a small smile and he turned to look at Connor.

 

Now that they were somewhat close, Connor took in the scattering of freckles on Evan's cheeks and forehead. From their close proximity he got a good look at the blonde's shining green eyes. They were bright and reminded Connor of the orchard and the apple trees still residing there. Suddenly he realized just how long he'd been staring and tore his gaze away from the honey blonde's face.

 

“That's cool! You should show me your drawings sometime, if you don't mind of course.” The last bit sounded slightly rushed and forced. “I'll bring a sketchbook over sometime.”

 

“Come down boys, dinner!”

  


~-~-~~~~-*★

  


Evan could practically feel his mother's gaze on the boy next to him the whole time. Even if the conversation never got too awkward or Connor did anything to raise Heidi's suspicions, she still studied him as if he would just jump up and assault Evan or something.

 

Which he still wasn't too sure about himself. But Connor seems to be not-so-bad so the least Evan could do is just give him a chance. Hoping to distract himself from the awkward situation that was this meal, Evan watched Connor push food around his plate.

 

“How did you two meet?” That was a normal question. But Evan couldn't help but feel like she was just nitpicking things, trying to find fault in their answers and figure out what Connor _really_ was.

 

Or maybe Evan was just being irrational and Heidi was just trying to be a normal parent.

 

“We met on the first day, we have second hour together.” Connor answered suavely. Evan noticed the other's knee bouncing up and down underneath the table. In some form of silent reassurance, Evan rested his leg against Connor's.

 

He also noticed how a few moments after he made the small gesture Connor's leg stopped bouncing.

 

“That's reallynice.” Heidi finished up her plate and got up abruptly. “Well, I have to go to work soon. I'll see you tomorrow, Evan. I love you honey. I hope I'll get to see you around sometime, Connor.” Heidi rinsed her plate off and put it into the dishwasher before kissing Evan's forehead and saying goodnight to Connor.

 

The way she stood around afterwards like she was waiting for something made Evan feel like she really was waiting. But for what?

 

To test the theory, Evan slipped away with the excuse of grabbing something. Instead, he hid by the hallway leading to the stairs. It covered him up pretty well but he could still listen if anything were to pass between the two.

 

“What's uh, up, Ms. Hansen?”

 

Before Evan could really take in what was happening, his mother's entire persona flipped and she sounded much more threatening and defensive. “What are your intentions with my son? He may not have noticed anything, but I can assure you I have a good grasp on what you are _._ ”

 

The unfamiliar accusatory tone she spoke with startled Evan. Connor took a minute to say anything back. “I'm not like what you think. Yes- I know I'm that. But I don't have any bad intentions for him.”

 

“You know what he is and you say that?” Heidi didn't let go very easily apparently. “Yes. What would I have to gain from just hurting him?”

 

“Look, he doesn't have a good track record with vampires. How can you convince me that you really aren't like all the others?” After that comment, anything Connor said sounded strained. Like he was biting his tongue to keep himself from saying something bad.

 

Evan hated listening to the back and forth between the two. The pit in his stomach felt very heavy all of a sudden, too. “He knows about me. He's okay with it.” Heidi didn't speak at first.

 

“He does? And he's okay with it?” She seemed to be letting up, her tone less aggressive. “You can even ask him. He knows already.” Evan felt guilty for being surprised at Connor having any kind of restraint. “I better not find out about you hurting a single hair on his head.” The threatening tone she had scared even Evan just a little.

 

Connor said something in response, but it was too quiet for him to hear properly. A pause. He heard his mom's shoes tapping on the floorboards.

 

“Evan, I'm heading out!” Heidi called out in her normal, chipper voice. How she was able to just change her tone so easily worried Evan slightly.

 

Quietly, he stepped into the kitchen again. Connor's head turned and his tense shoulders lowered. “You heard that, didn't you?” Connor said softly.

 

“I'm really sorry about that, she's usually nothing like that.” Connor crossed his arms. “Not your fault. I'd be worried if my kid just took a vampire home without warning.”

 

“What? I um- I'm sorry?” Evan ducked his head down, not wanting to see the taller teen’s expression. “ _Again_ , not your fault.” he instinctively went to crack his knuckles out of a nervous habit.

 

“Okay.”

 

“It's nine. You should go to sleep.” Connor sounded almost like a parent. “It's really not that late.” Connor said nothing. Evan heard him walk forward and watched Connor pull his hands apart and hold them delicately.

 

Connor's hands were surprisingly smooth. A worried thought that his hands might be sweaty passed through Evan's mind. “You must be really tired, though. Go to sleep please.”

 

His voice was oddly calming and made Evan feel warm and fuzzy. What other option was there than to let Connor guide him into bed? So he did. He let Connor take him to his room and push him into bed. Evan's mind felt oddly clouded and he couldn't think about anything other than Connor's soft hands and the need to just go to sleep.

  
  


~-~-~~~~-*★

  


Maybe Connor shouldn't have compelled Evan into going to sleep. But at that point he was just getting too irritable and annoyed. Connor couldn't be around Evan like that. So the best course of action was to put him into bed early.

 

Yawning, Connor left the Hansen's home silently. He made sure to lock the door with the key hidden in a little compartment in a bird feeder hanging next to the doorway.

 

Connor glanced up at Evan's bedroom window, the dim blue light from the diffuser shining through the curtains. He hoped Evan would sleep well tonight.

  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on Google docs this is almost 12 pages holy shit
> 
> I have a tumblr!! I dont do much on it but I sometimes post sketches of the ocs I'll be using here  
> @littlesoul01
> 
> and an Instagram! Which I'm more active on!!  
> @perseus.uwu


	4. September 7th, 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connor and evan hang out. also guess who's back from a 2 month long depression nap

Zoe stormed over to where Evan and Connor were hanging out after school, much paler than usual. “We need to eat. Now.” From this close, Connor saw how she was shaking slightly and her hands were sweaty. “I know you haven't eaten since Tuesday either.”

Connor glanced warily at Evan. “Should we cancel?” Evan nodded, the concern in his eyes growing. A part of Connor knew that he looked absolutely wrecked. Especially now since he’d almost went after the librarian while he was waiting for Evan to show up.

“It's alright, you really need this.” Connor had planned to take Evan somewhere he thought he’d like. “We can still do it tonight. I'll pick you up right after, okay?”

Evan nodded again. “Just eat something.”

“Come on, Zo.” She exhaled loudly, and Connor saw her vampiric nature flash back and forth, teeth clicking. Probably the anticipation to eat. 

Connor heard Evan stand up too, and walk beside him. “If I can ask, um, how do you find out what to eat?” They both looked around cautiously, to see if anyone was around. “Usually we just have to drive up and down some empty roads, find a whore.” Connor answered, voice low even though there weren't any people nearby.

They get into Connor's truck and shut the doors in almost perfect unison. The smell of weed was already going away from Connor not smoking in a couple months.

Evan visibly flinches at the word whore. “Oh.” The blonde's reaction makes Connor feel a little bit gross. Like he shouldn't be doing this and that he's so wrong and terrible and-

He sounds like Evan right now. Connor thinks about telling Evan about him trying to find a better way to eat but bites his tongue to avoid oversharing. They only _just_ started being friends. No need to overwhelm the shorter boy with too many of his problems at once.

“I'll see you in a bit?” Evan says hopefully as he climbs out of the front passenger seat. “Yep.” He replied, popping the p. Evan waves before turning and going up his porch. “He seems nice.” Zoe comments as she slides into the front seat next to Connor.

There's a weird tone in her voice. Almost like she couldn't believe Connor was _able_ to find someone like that. Or at the very least, befriend them. If Evan wasn't a wolf they probably wouldn't be friends.

“He is. What about it?” The bag of rocks in his stomach come back and he tries to ignore it. “I dunno, I just didn't think it fit. You and him, I mean.” She wasn't making complete sense to him and he narrowed his eyes slightly.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Zoe answers like it's just _so_ obvious. “Your personalities just don't match up. It's weird.”

“He's a werewolf? That's probably one of the only reasons we even started talking.” Zoe goes quiet, probably because his voice raised there. Connor took a left at the intersection where he could take right and end up at home. “You missed the turn.”

“I know.”

Connor didn't turn around and they drove down a street that was much too familiar to him. It was odd seeing it under morning light, usually he’d drive down here at night.

“Where are we going?” A slight tremor in her voice. “Relax, I'm going to meet Darek. You wanted to know any other ways, right?”

“What the fuck, Connor? You can't just- do _this?_ You have to tell me things, y’know.” Zoe's volume rose and she sounded pissed off. She had a right to be, but just knowing that was her right wouldn't calm his nerves so Connor just clenched his jaw.

Neither of them spoke until he pulled over to an empty lot. “Wait here.” Connor stepped out to meet the much shorter vampire. His hoodie was pulled up, hiding his presumably straightened hair. His appearance hadn't changed in the slightest since they last met here. The 28th.

“You're here. You look like _shit_ dude.” Darek commented. Connor recognized the resting bitch face he had on. The guy stood at around 5’0, and honestly didn't look like he was really 19. (Or whatever his old ass could be. For all Connor could know, he could be 407.)

“Cut the shit. Tell me another way to eat, we're fucking starving. Draining them isn't gonna work for long.” Darek’s eyebrow raised in questioning. “ _We?”_

_Fuck._

“I turned my fucking sister. Are you gonna tell me or not?”

A look of both annoyance and horror passed over the hooded vampire's features. “You've only been a vampire for _three months._ Do you _want_ to be killed?” He pinched his nose like an annoyed parent, and groaned under his breath. “ _This_ is why we don't turn teenagers.”

Connor ignored the comment, clenching his fists and digging his nails into his palms. He attempted to bite back his response of _what about you then?_

“Fine. Come on, take your sister if you like.” He turned heel and began walking away before slipping into an alley. Connor gestured for Zoe to follow and turned when he saw her go to his side. “Can we trust him?”

“Not much of a choice here.” They followed the short vampire down the alley and into a corner. Which seemed really fucking suspicious, especially with the cellar door leading underground. “What is this?”

“This is a blood den. Since I'm your maker you're now technically part of Boston's family. Which means you can get in.” Zoe stood behind Connor, to the point where Darek probably couldn't see her. Connor stopped him, confusion already coming back. “Hold up, hold up. ‘Boston's family?’ The fuck does that mean?”

“Bishop, the vampire who ran what you might call our vampire society, was killed and this city went to shit. Overrun with werewolves, there was a virus going around, and we were nearly wiped out.”

That didn't answer a lot. “So we’re rebuilding. Starting with blood dens and getting the police force back.” Anticipation made Connor antsy and irritated. “Okay? Go on, we need to _eat._ ”

“Come in, then.” Darek let them in before shutting the doors cautiously, watching for any witnesses. Connor heard his sister mutter a curse under her breath when she tripped on the door.

The inside wasn't really what Connor expected, but he wasn't really sure what he was supposed to expect. The lights hanging off of the ceiling were a dim yellow, and there were couches and tables set up everywhere. Against the wall was a bar-like counter, blood bags hanging on the wall.

Two scantily dressed women strode over to where they stood, making Connor shift nervously. “Don't drain them completely.” From behind him, Zoe's fangs clicked and she stepped forward, letting one come toward her.

  


~-~-~~~~-*★

 

Evan waited patiently for Connor's promised return. What he wasn't expecting though, was a call from Jared. “Hello?” He spoke into his phone, aware of how nervous he sounded. “I can't change with you this month. I met a _pure-bred_! He's pretty great, even showed me a place to turn.”

Evan briefly wondered what was so great about pure breeds anyway. It's not like either had anything better than the other, so why does it matter?

“Oh um, that's good.”

“Get someone else to drive you, ‘kay?” Before Evan could respond Jared hung up, leaving him with his mouth slightly open, his words hanging in the air. “Okay.”

He couldn't be disappointed though, he's been a werewolf longer than Jared has anyway. So he’ll be fine. Maybe. The knock at his door stops that train of thought and he gets up to answer it. When he opens it, Connor is standing there. He looked much better to say the least. He wasn't as sweaty looking and his skin gained most of its color.

“You ready?”

Evan nodded, excitement welling up in his chest. It wasn't all that often that he got to just go out with a friend. Connor smiled at him, something Evan knew most other people didn't get to see. The thought made the butterflies in his stomach flutter.

He followed Connor and noticed the center console was actually cleared off and nothing was shoved into the cupholders anymore. It smelled a little bit like blood and Evan tried to remember if that smell was there earlier.

“Where are we going?” Still unknowing as to where they were even going. “Surprise.” A smirk forming on his lips.  Connor sounded better, too. That made Evan happy, but the way he ate still made him uneasy. Or more of _what_ he ate. Evan couldn't judge too harshly, though, his wolf wasn't exactly a saint either. There’ve been too many times he's woken up in a clear field, dried blood on his hands and face, fear coiling in his gut at what he could've done.

When he looked out the window, the only thing he saw was rows of trees. _The forest?_ Evan wondered, thinking of what they could be doing _here._

 _Maybe he’ll kill me._ The thought passed through his mind before Evan realized it. _No, he's my friend, he won't hurt me. If we even are friends._ Evan must've been making a face or started looking anxious and Connor looked over, concern on his face. “You okay, there?”

Evan nodded frantically, and wrung his hands. He felt guilty for thinking that way about Connor, seeing as he was trying to be nice. Whatever he was trying to do. “Ye-yeah, don't worry.”

Connor chuckled dryly, his voice getting a little high pitched at the end. “Funny, _you're_ telling me not to worry.” He realized the irony in that and awkwardly laughed along.

The stillness in car the started to feel unbearably uncomfortable, until Connor broke the silence and spoke up again. “Do you wanna listen to music or anything?” Connor’s hand hovered over the radio. Evan nodded, even though Connor probably didn't see him. “Um, it-it doesn't matter to me.” Connor clicked his tongue and put his phone on the aux cord.

“You can choose something off of spotify.” And placed his cracked phone into Evan's (slightly sweaty) hand. “Okay.” He scrolled through Connor’s playlists, just looking at the pictures he'd put on each one. Evan went with one with some songs he was a little familiar with, surprised Connor would even listen to anything like this.

After a few seconds, a song began to play and Evan could physically feel himself calming down. “How much longer?” They'd been driving through a heavily wooded forest, on a thin dirt road. “We’re almost there.” Connor's fingers drummed on the steering wheel, momentarily reminding him of Jared.

They slowed down, pulling over next to a tree. “I thought you might like it here, for the change on full moons?” The brunet rocked back and forth on his heels, in a nervous motion. Evan stepped out of the car and gazed at the nature surrounding him, taking in the view. “Connor, this place is beautiful!”

It was an open, clear field, surrounded by lush, green trees. The grass had grown to above knee level, from never being cut or trimmed. Evan looked around, trying to fully take in his surroundings.

“I can drive you here sometime, if you wanted.” Connor had his head ducked, hand placed on the back of his neck. Evan walked over and stood next to the brunet. “Can you take me this month? It's on the 24th.” Connor looked over, nodding. “Of course.”

“I brought some stuff for a picnic. Or I guess for just you.” Evan looked up, noticing nervousness pass over the vampire's features before going completely unreadable. Evan prided himself on being able to read people pretty well, but he wasn’t too sure about Connor. And the constant nervousness from Connor wasn't exactly making him relaxed.

“That's um, actually really nice of you.” Connor ran off and came back with a gas station bag dangling from his arm. “It's just some snacks, I didn't really know what to bring for this kind of thing.”

“That's alright, it's more than what anyone else has done.” As they went to setting up a blanket and sitting down on it, the phone in Connor's pocket vibrated, earning an agitated groan from said boy. His nails tapped on the screen hurriedly, before shutting it off and dropping it on the grass. “Just my sister, if you were wondering.”

Evan muttered a small _oh_ before looking back over at Connor. He was laying down, eyes closed and long, dark brown hair spread out on the blanket. The sun shone over his face and hair perfectly, and Evan stopped to wonder how someone could look so beautiful.

Then he remembered that Connor was _right there_ and Evan is almost certain he is straight. Not that he wanted to just assume anything about Connor, because it's totally not any of Evan's business.

Thinking of Connor that way made his cheeks warm up, but he couldn't look away from the resting boy's face. Evan wondered if he was even straight, himself.

“What’re you looking at?” Connor's voice startled Evan, making him squeak and move away in surprise. Quickly, he went to defend himself. “Nhn- sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to-" Connor shushed him. “Kidding. I don't really care.”

Evan let out a small sigh. “Okay." The breeze hit Evan's face, making him shiver. “Here.” Connor slipped off of the blanket and draped it over Evan's shoulders. “Tha-thank you.” The brunet nodded and sat up next to Evan, close enough that he could slightly feel the warmth radiating off of him.

It really was a beautiful place to be, and Evan wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. He glanced over at the other boy again, taking in every feature on his face. He really was gorgeous. The thought made his stomach drop, when he came to a sudden realization.

_He has a crush on Connor Murphy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this bitch is over 2000 words long because i feel bad and i had ideas!! also fun fact in google docs this whole fanfic is 26 pages long

**Author's Note:**

> sorry short chapter :c  
> chapter 3 should be longer.


End file.
